you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
