Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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