and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
