do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
