Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
