i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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