I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
