Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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