I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
