I'm gonna have a badass scar
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
