I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
