My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
