Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
