What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
