so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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