my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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