she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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