Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
