The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
