so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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