So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
