You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
