no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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