if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
