dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
