she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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