when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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