i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
