I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
