RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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