four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I will be naked everywhere
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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