is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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