I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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