there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize