mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize