I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
