i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
