that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
