Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
