I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
