is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
