as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
