Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
