Buhtt sex?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
