TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
