At least make sure they are 18
Why
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
