Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
