Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
