I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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