i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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