he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
