I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
