If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
