he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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