I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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