halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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