ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
