You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's always time for handjobs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize