Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
