you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
