I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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